Fairy who cannot fly

It's finally spring here in Finland, too. My little daughter is growing up as fast as the flowers. She is a real philosopher nowadays and constantly surprises me with her witty thoughts.

"I can't fly", my daughter reported. "I can't take to the air". I know it's reality but it still hurts me she has to face it as I had to. I couldn't imagine she'd ever wish to have wings because people 
just don't have them. But maybe it's because she's my daughter after all.


She wanted to wear her fairy costume party. "I still can't fly", she said with sadness written all over her face and wanted to take it off. "Wait, dear", I said.

"It doesn't matter that you can't fly now. We can fly in our dreams. And we can always hop on an aeroplane! Or even on a hot air balloon or a helicopter!" I tried to comfort her.

The best way to comfort her was to play fairies with her.

Up to the air!

"Birds, bugs and butterflies have wings", my  little fairy said tonight. "I can't became a bird, can I?" "I'm sorry but it's not possible", I replied. "You can loose wings but you can't grow them, right?" she asked. I told her a story about baby birds who can't fly yet but how they will learn. "But they can hop on a aeroplane with me already" she said.

Human is a beast

My dear daughter and I baked rolls. It was much more fun to bake with her than bake alone. She wanted us to make a roll family. She named the baby roll after her. Still she had no problem eating it. 

A roll family

Rolls are just  flour, yeast, water and oil. But most of us eat meat, too. Meat is inevitably from dead animals. Catching and eating animals makes my daughter just curious, not upset at all. It feels kind of weird because she is a very compassionate girl. 

We watched an episode of The F Word in which Gordon Ramsay catches a puffin and cooks it. I and my husband hesitated to show it to our 2-year-old but she really wanted to see it.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/tv/1490707/Ramsay-panned-over-puffin-killing.html

Eating animals is natural for the beasts.

Fairy names

If Abadia was my fairy name, I should worry, shouldn't I? I found a website Fairies' Secrets and it's author, Ophelia Fay, claims it would be devastating to mortals to know fairies' real names.

Well, I'm now a mortal.

Ami Fae is not my real (mortal!) name. I'm not sure if it was devastating to write this blog with my real name or not.

Interpretation of dreams

My initial reaction to my dream was to take it as it was: it told me who I used to be: Abadia. Should it be taken that way or should I interpret it somehow?

How can I explain the name I remembered? I do have read the Bible years and years ago but the name I heard in my dream was not pronounced as it was in the  Bible; Abadiah is a variant of Obediah, not exactly the same. Could my mind be so complicated that it was able to remember something and vary it? I do know "Dia" means God and "Obe" is almost like "obey" but English is not even may mother tongue!

Obediah is a minor prophet and his testament concerns the fall of Edom. I tried to read it but it didn't make any sense to me. I guess it was a false clue.

I see dreams that can easily be interpreted the most Freudian ways. According to him my most innocent dreams concern sex... I often dream of water tube slides… When I used to be single, I even dreamed of water parks! Now when I'm married I only have this one amazing water tube slide but I'm always very happy when I find it. It even have little flash lights on its roof! What could be better than that?!

My baby girl splashing the water

I asked a friend what a word "abadia" brings to her mind. "Apathy", she replied. For me apathy is not a desirable state of mind, at least not as I know it. After little searching I found out it was a desired state of mind for stoic philosophers.

Pain is slight if opinion has added nothing to it; ... in thinking it slight, you will make it slight. Everything depends on opinion; ambition, luxury, greed, hark back to opinion. It is according to opinion that we suffer. ... So let us also win the way to victory in all our struggles, – for the reward is ... virtue, steadfastness of soul, and a peace that is won for all time.

-Seneca-

My apathy could be not to worry about things I can't help. There is something joyful about that, isn't there?

Still I'm not sure that's the right interpretation.

My real name vol 2 - Opposite of Abaddon

I found the little paper I wrote. The name wasn't Abaddon, thank God I might say! I had written down "ABEDIA". The most similar name was Obediah, "the servant of God".  I'm confused. I have never been a religious person, at least not in a Christian way. And a servant? It's sounds so.. obedient.  I found Abaddon so cool and mystical! And I can surely tell it wasn't as easy to find a proper picture of Obediah as it was to find of Abaddon.

But I'm rather good than evil.

Does anyone know  hebrew? H is a silent consonant, isn't it? Vocals are replaceable, aren't they? So Obediah could as well be Abedia? Or if it can't what does Abedia mean?

My real name

I saw a weird dream that filled me with joy. I was walking in the green hills and it was sunny and lovely. Suddenly I remembered my real name. I shouted it out and I was filled with joy. I had to wake up and write the name down.

In the morning I tried to find the piece of paper but I couldn't. It was hard to memorize the name because it sounds so "unfamiliar" (even though it FELT like I had always known it.) I wanted to know if the name actually means something so I googled to find it. I found the page that looked promising. I went through the names of a website Behind the names - the etymology and history of first names so I could remember the name by recognizing it.

"Abaddon" sounds kind of right. It is a name of an fallen angel and it means "to destroy"!!! Have I been one of those who abandoned God? I'd surely do anything to know!

Abaddon has been really inpirational figure. He's even in Wikipedia!

The first image of Abaddon I found with Google

What an earth could be joyful about Abaddon?

On research

Measuring, 2009

This is me doing some serious researching. It may be my future. I have no idea what I'll do next autumn but my plan B is to finnish my PhD research plan. I'm just not sure if I'm enough rational person to do more than just a plan. (But I am a visionary - my idea for the plan is great!)

Estimate, 2009

Responce, 2009

Perturbation, 2009

My Master's thesis was an artistic study which was trying to understand mathematical a research of my friend. It was titled Uncertainity and sensitivity  analysis with artistic methods. I hadn't studied mathematics since high school and I didn't study it for my Master's thesis either.

Encounter, 2009

Sometimes I feel like Alice in Wonderland when I have to explore the scientific world.