Fairy who cannot fly

It's finally spring here in Finland, too. My little daughter is growing up as fast as the flowers. She is a real philosopher nowadays and constantly surprises me with her witty thoughts.

"I can't fly", my daughter reported. "I can't take to the air". I know it's reality but it still hurts me she has to face it as I had to. I couldn't imagine she'd ever wish to have wings because people 
just don't have them. But maybe it's because she's my daughter after all.


She wanted to wear her fairy costume party. "I still can't fly", she said with sadness written all over her face and wanted to take it off. "Wait, dear", I said.

"It doesn't matter that you can't fly now. We can fly in our dreams. And we can always hop on an aeroplane! Or even on a hot air balloon or a helicopter!" I tried to comfort her.

The best way to comfort her was to play fairies with her.

Up to the air!

"Birds, bugs and butterflies have wings", my  little fairy said tonight. "I can't became a bird, can I?" "I'm sorry but it's not possible", I replied. "You can loose wings but you can't grow them, right?" she asked. I told her a story about baby birds who can't fly yet but how they will learn. "But they can hop on a aeroplane with me already" she said.

Human is a beast

My dear daughter and I baked rolls. It was much more fun to bake with her than bake alone. She wanted us to make a roll family. She named the baby roll after her. Still she had no problem eating it. 

A roll family

Rolls are just  flour, yeast, water and oil. But most of us eat meat, too. Meat is inevitably from dead animals. Catching and eating animals makes my daughter just curious, not upset at all. It feels kind of weird because she is a very compassionate girl. 

We watched an episode of The F Word in which Gordon Ramsay catches a puffin and cooks it. I and my husband hesitated to show it to our 2-year-old but she really wanted to see it.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/tv/1490707/Ramsay-panned-over-puffin-killing.html

Eating animals is natural for the beasts.

Fairy names

If Abadia was my fairy name, I should worry, shouldn't I? I found a website Fairies' Secrets and it's author, Ophelia Fay, claims it would be devastating to mortals to know fairies' real names.

Well, I'm now a mortal.

Ami Fae is not my real (mortal!) name. I'm not sure if it was devastating to write this blog with my real name or not.

Interpretation of dreams

My initial reaction to my dream was to take it as it was: it told me who I used to be: Abadia. Should it be taken that way or should I interpret it somehow?

How can I explain the name I remembered? I do have read the Bible years and years ago but the name I heard in my dream was not pronounced as it was in the  Bible; Abadiah is a variant of Obediah, not exactly the same. Could my mind be so complicated that it was able to remember something and vary it? I do know "Dia" means God and "Obe" is almost like "obey" but English is not even may mother tongue!

Obediah is a minor prophet and his testament concerns the fall of Edom. I tried to read it but it didn't make any sense to me. I guess it was a false clue.

I see dreams that can easily be interpreted the most Freudian ways. According to him my most innocent dreams concern sex... I often dream of water tube slides… When I used to be single, I even dreamed of water parks! Now when I'm married I only have this one amazing water tube slide but I'm always very happy when I find it. It even have little flash lights on its roof! What could be better than that?!

My baby girl splashing the water

I asked a friend what a word "abadia" brings to her mind. "Apathy", she replied. For me apathy is not a desirable state of mind, at least not as I know it. After little searching I found out it was a desired state of mind for stoic philosophers.

Pain is slight if opinion has added nothing to it; ... in thinking it slight, you will make it slight. Everything depends on opinion; ambition, luxury, greed, hark back to opinion. It is according to opinion that we suffer. ... So let us also win the way to victory in all our struggles, – for the reward is ... virtue, steadfastness of soul, and a peace that is won for all time.

-Seneca-

My apathy could be not to worry about things I can't help. There is something joyful about that, isn't there?

Still I'm not sure that's the right interpretation.

My real name vol 2 - Opposite of Abaddon

I found the little paper I wrote. The name wasn't Abaddon, thank God I might say! I had written down "ABEDIA". The most similar name was Obediah, "the servant of God".  I'm confused. I have never been a religious person, at least not in a Christian way. And a servant? It's sounds so.. obedient.  I found Abaddon so cool and mystical! And I can surely tell it wasn't as easy to find a proper picture of Obediah as it was to find of Abaddon.

But I'm rather good than evil.

Does anyone know  hebrew? H is a silent consonant, isn't it? Vocals are replaceable, aren't they? So Obediah could as well be Abedia? Or if it can't what does Abedia mean?

My real name

I saw a weird dream that filled me with joy. I was walking in the green hills and it was sunny and lovely. Suddenly I remembered my real name. I shouted it out and I was filled with joy. I had to wake up and write the name down.

In the morning I tried to find the piece of paper but I couldn't. It was hard to memorize the name because it sounds so "unfamiliar" (even though it FELT like I had always known it.) I wanted to know if the name actually means something so I googled to find it. I found the page that looked promising. I went through the names of a website Behind the names - the etymology and history of first names so I could remember the name by recognizing it.

"Abaddon" sounds kind of right. It is a name of an fallen angel and it means "to destroy"!!! Have I been one of those who abandoned God? I'd surely do anything to know!

Abaddon has been really inpirational figure. He's even in Wikipedia!

The first image of Abaddon I found with Google

What an earth could be joyful about Abaddon?

On research

Measuring, 2009

This is me doing some serious researching. It may be my future. I have no idea what I'll do next autumn but my plan B is to finnish my PhD research plan. I'm just not sure if I'm enough rational person to do more than just a plan. (But I am a visionary - my idea for the plan is great!)

Estimate, 2009

Responce, 2009

Perturbation, 2009

My Master's thesis was an artistic study which was trying to understand mathematical a research of my friend. It was titled Uncertainity and sensitivity  analysis with artistic methods. I hadn't studied mathematics since high school and I didn't study it for my Master's thesis either.

Encounter, 2009

Sometimes I feel like Alice in Wonderland when I have to explore the scientific world.

Palm Sunday

It's a week before Easter and Passion Week starts. The name Palm Sunday refers to the day, when Jesus was riding to Jerusalem and people were spreading palm leaves in his path. As a reminiscence of that day people in Finland decorate willow wigs. Do you see a connection between palm leaves and decorated willow wigs?

We don't have palm leaves so it's understandable but the roots for the traditions are deep in pagan culture, not in Christian culture.

Even I wanted to dress my girl as a little witch so she could make our old neighbors happy by visiting them. She knows the magic verse; "Virvon, varvon, tuoreeks, terveeks, tulevaks vuodeks, vitsa sulle, palkka mulle". With this magic verse little witches and wizards wish you and your household good health and a good year. They will then hand you a willow twig, and as a little reward, they expect you to put a few sweets, little Easter Eggs or a few coins in their basket or pot.

My little witch didn't want to were a scarf or say the magic verse out load. She was too tired so we skipped it this year. This is she last year.

In olden times the reason for using the magic verse was to chase away demons and the rhyme varied from area to area. In the countryside children could say; " ...and if you don't promise me eggs, hawks shall take your chickens". In those days children got real eggs for Easter and they did not receive them until Easter Sunday. It is still a common tradition like Halloween in USA. 

Scientific Fairy Research

My daughter and I have been a little sick. I have been too tired to play with her but she's never too tired to play! I decided to show her Disney Fairies movies so we could at least be together. She's been watching Tinker Bell: Secret of the Wings and Tinker Bell: The Great Fairy Rescue sitting on my lap or next to me.

It's better to show your children movies you like to watch too!

In The Great Fairy Rescue a little girl, Lizzie, captures Tinker Bell and takes her to her home. Lizzie and Tink become friends and they record their information on fairies in a research book.

I was fascinated by the idea of Scientific Fairy Research. I want to make it too! I haven't met Tinker Bell and unfortunately I don't recall my past.

Our Fairyland

 

No, that's not a a fairy in Fairyland nor me as a child. That’s my dear daughter in a Tinkerbell costume in Botanic Garden of Helsinki. Isn't she adorable?

The reason I wanted to become human was to live and witness the miracle of life. Before her - her birth remains my milestone to measure time - I truly lived and experienced the world. Her birth was the greatest thing I have and will ever experience.

I wanted my husband to takes photos of our daughter in Botanic Garden for a reason. It's not just a pretty place, it's also a place where we got married. Every now and then we visit there to escape the coldness of Finland.

My daughter is the most precious thing in the Universe.

Mother tongue

This is my tongue and I am a mother.

English is not my native language, it's Finnish. I decided to write in English so more people could understand me.

At first my ideas have no shape. They are tacit sensations, feelings and knowledge that live in my mind. Then they get forms that are still unclear. I take a pen or my computer and write them down. Usually I write it in Finnish first. I try to think in English but it doesn't come naturally yet. I try to come up with English phrases which best describe my Finnish thoughts. Even when I think I'm ready with my writings I can't be certain that my English is sufficient to understand. I have asked my friends who live in England and Australia to tell me if I'm too impalpable. (Impalpable - is that even the right word?!)

The word for translate in Finnish means also to turn or to twist. It's a lot of twisting and turning before I have formulated my ideas in English phrases.

The more comprehensible I want to be, the more I have to modify my ideas. A paradox of communication.

Commuting

Twice a week I drive through the black veins of Helsinki-Lahti motorway. I can relate myself with the crows who eat the corpses of dead animals. At least I love my job.

Today.

In the autumn.

In the beginning of the school year.

Coincidence

I changed my address. It was amisfairytales.blogspot.com but I didn't want to keep it. I accidentally typed http://www.amisfairytales.blogpsot.com/. I guess I don't need to explain more.

Vanitas of Tonight

Have a nice weekend!

Household Chores

My daughters chest of drawers

Household chores.. Does anyone actually like them? Yell out! A little ray of 
light or beautiful thought exists without ever having to worry about
 them. I have tried it too but the chaos takes over my home. I want my
 cosmos and I have no choice but to create it myself.

Just whistle while you work... 

I got some beautiful flowers from my friends at the opening. The flowers really motivated me to clean up our home.

In the kitchen

It's a pity that a change is never permanent.

On the desktop

Next to our TV

PS. Snow White always reminds me of my friend Anna K. I dedicate the song to her!

Openings

I have been planning to open this blog and it seems that now it's the time. Yesterday was also the opening of my exhibition "A Show"  in Ateljee Bar Torni, Helsinki.

Me in the opening

Paintings are old but I have never exhibited them together before.

Looking at "A Smile of a Friend"

Still I had a little hurry to put it together - I did it in two days' notice! I didn't hesitate a bit when I was asked to do it because it was something I really wished to do.

Ateljee Bar and some of my guest

It was early Monday afternoon but still my dear friends came over. They made my day.

My blog is not going to be in a in the swim. I'm going to write about all the things that concern me, my past as a fairy and my future that is still unknown. But this is not a diary. This  is my storybook, full of fairy tales.

Thanks to AP Darth for the photos! (Expept the last one is from S Shayan - thanks to her too!)