Mother tongue

This is my tongue and I am a mother.

English is not my native language, it's Finnish. I decided to write in English so more people could understand me.

At first my ideas have no shape. They are tacit sensations, feelings and knowledge that live in my mind. Then they get forms that are still unclear. I take a pen or my computer and write them down. Usually I write it in Finnish first. I try to think in English but it doesn't come naturally yet. I try to come up with English phrases which best describe my Finnish thoughts. Even when I think I'm ready with my writings I can't be certain that my English is sufficient to understand. I have asked my friends who live in England and Australia to tell me if I'm too impalpable. (Impalpable - is that even the right word?!)

The word for translate in Finnish means also to turn or to twist. It's a lot of twisting and turning before I have formulated my ideas in English phrases.

The more comprehensible I want to be, the more I have to modify my ideas. A paradox of communication.